Out of left field!

I told a co-worker I was pregnant last week… and got the most bizarre response I can imagine. Read it for yourself and tell me what you think.

First, some background… This woman is a client that I’ve worked with through my office for years, so we go way back. She’s friendly enough, though inhumanly persistent and tries to manipulate you and get what she wants through transparent flattery. I thought we had a reasonably friendly professional relationship. My office hasn’t done much work for her in the past several years; perhaps a half dozen projects a year or less.

She e-mailed me last week asking if we could do a project for her “real quick.” Of course, the nature of the project was such that there was no “real quick” about it. My boss confirmed that we don’t have the time to take it on, so I told her very nicely that unfortunately we just didn’t have the time to work on it right now, and I gave her the contact information for a local creative freelance agency we often use.

She e-mailed back and said thank you, but before she called them, was I certain that I didn’t want to take the project off-the-clock as a freelance job? I considered that option for about two seconds. Extra money is always nice to have, but I don’t really know how to do what she wants done, and I would end up having to charge her double what a freelance agency would likely cost. And the larger issue is that I am not taking on any new outside work; in fact, I plan to phase out the work I do for my regular clients by September, in preparation for having the baby.

So I wrote her back and very nicely declined the job. I told her that I was pregnant and not taking on any new freelance work right now.

And she said… (and this is word-for-word; it’s too good not to post in its entirety):

Pregnant? Eight years ago you were convinced that you never wanted kids. I hope this is something you want and that it wasn’t a mistake that will prove a hardship.

Wait, what? Did she really just say that?!

Because I kinda thought that the appropriate response when someone tells you that they are having a baby is “Congratulations,” not “Was it a mistake?”

Now, I am under no delusions that anyone else finds my pregnancy as interesting as I do, but why in the world would you bluntly demand that an expectant mother tell you if her pregnancy was an accident that she would end up regretting?? EVEN IF YOU THINK THAT’S THE CASE??

Seriously. Common sense dictates that you start off with something like, “Congratulations!” or “That’s great news!”, and if the mother then gives you indications that it’s maybe the news isn’t so great, depending on your level of friendship you MIGHT then be free to ask if anything is amiss.

And we don’t even have a friendship!! We simply have a professional relationship. 

The thing is, I was so baffled by what she said that I couldn’t even take offense at it! It was just so completely out of left field, so unexpected and strange, that all I could do was laugh! Well, laugh and tell everyone I know about it.

I wasn’t even going to dignify that e-mail with a response, but after suggestions from Doc and some other friends that I not let it go, I came up with a carefully worded reply this afternoon that wasn’t mean, took the high road, but also subtly let her know that I didn’t appreciate her rudeness:

Wow. That’s by far the most unique response I’ve gotten to my good news. I am 15 weeks along and very happy, especially considering that I lost the last pregnancy… so I’m pretty sure this wasn’t a mistake.

Hopefully the Creative Group can help you find a designer to work on the puzzle piece project.

Unfortunately, subtlety didn’t seem to do the trick:

Then I’m thrilled for you. Babies and children are wonderful. I just remember that you didn’t want any for a time there and was worried that this was an unwanted accident. I’m sorry about the loss of one pregnancy, but 15 weeks sounds pretty solid.

Please take good care of yourself. Ultimately all the rest of this work stuff doesn’t matter next your health and that of your baby!

So last week the puzzle piece project took priority over my unborn child; now that she knows that I didn’t just slip up in my birth control, the baby’s all that matters?

I give up!