Pregnancy

Thank you to everyone

Dear everyone, Doc and I want to send a big public THANK YOU to you: all our friends and family that have sent us well wishes over the past week while we’ve dealt with the miscarriage, hospital, surgery, and recovery. Thanks so much to everyone that’s called or written with kind words, sent flowers, brought over food, kept us company, listened to us talk and cry about things, helped distract us with talk about other, “normal” things. You’re really helping to get us through this. I don’t want to be “that guy”… you know, the guy that’s always complaining about something, but it honestly feels like it’s been a tough week… well, a tough six months really. And I’m trying to look on the positive side of things and not complain too much. My life sure could be a lot worse… a LOT worse. I know that. I have soooo much to be grateful for—and I am. Much as I try to be superhuman, though, I don’t think I’m very good at it… and knowing that I have an amazing group of friends and a loving family that will pick me up when I fall… well, you guys are my safety net, and I can’t even tell you how comforting it is to know that I HAVE a safety net. I hope I can be a good enough friend to return the favor if ever you should need me. We love you. Thank you.

Read MoreThank you to everyone

It doesn’t feel like bravery.

A few people have told me that they were surprised that I was able to write in such detail about my miscarriage, only a few hours after it happened. Yvonne said I was brave. I’m not sure that’s what it is though. I kind of surprised myself by writing about it so soon. But I was already starting to forget details, and I really wanted to remember the details. And, I guess, by posting them here, I wanted other people to be able to know what it was really like to go through a miscarriage at almost 12 weeks. And honestly, writing about it was cathartic. I cried a lot while typing, but I felt a little better afterwards. I don’t want to hide what happened. Before this, I thought that a miscarriage was something that usually happened at home, and was not a big deal physically and was over quickly. And maybe if you’re not as far along as I was, that is closer to the truth. I was just so shocked at how physically traumatic it was. I thought I was dying. I have never seen Doc look so frightened. I was bleeding so much and it didn’t seem like it was going to stop. I just wish I’d known ahead of time that miscarriages at this point in a pregnancy are very very scary and painful and you generally end up in the hospital. Even now, Googling “what does a miscarriage feel like” gets you very vague results. Why does nobody talk about this? I hope that nobody was upset by the detail that I went into. I know it seems very personal — and it is. It’s extremely personal, but it’s not something I’m ashamed of. I really truly hope that if anyone reads my account […]

Read MoreIt doesn’t feel like bravery.

Little feet-feet, little toes

I met Zoe yesterday. She is incredibly tiny. Tiny little fingers, fingernails, teeny ears, super soft hair. She’s six pounds right now, a little less than when she was born. Nate explained that it is normal for babies to initially lose a little weight before they start gaining. I held her for about 20 minutes, sound asleep in a little pink baby burrito wrapper. She began wiggling, then scrunched up her face and turned bright red, crying. She was hungry, so Yvonne fed her for the next 30 minutes or so. Right now she mostly eats, sleeps when she’s not eating, and sometimes is just awake and alert. She eats every 2-3 hours, so Yvonne’s not getting a whole lot of sleep. Her mom is there helping her and Nate for a few weeks. Last night our electricity went out about 12:30 a.m. The whole neighborhood was dark, and a white pickup truck was parked in front of our house with someone inside. A power company truck? But there was no logo of any kind on it. Periodically we’d hear the passenger door either open or shut, but when we looked out we never saw anyone. The electricity came back on about 20 minutes later, and later another pickup truck pulled up by the first one. A man and a woman got out, walked over to the first truck, opened the doors, and then walked back to their own truck and drove off. Doc went outside with a flashlight to check out the situation, and while he was walking around, they came back with gallon jugs of liquid and a siphon. I was very worried that he was outside with these possibly nefarious strangers, especially since I couldn’t see what they were doing from the bedroom window. I had the […]

Read MoreLittle feet-feet, little toes

Will we finish?

That is the big question right now. It’s 8:13 p.m., our 5-minute short film is due no later than midnight, and due to tape failure we had to reshoot the second half of our film at 5:30 p.m. We’ve got a decent rough cut, but still have to add a few cutaway shots, the music, the titles, and a special effect scene. Our motto for this year is “Failure Is An Option.” We almost decided to just shoot ourselves hanging out at the house, drinking wine, explaining what went wrong, and tacking it on to the end of the movie. Instead we did lightning-speed retakes of of eleven shots, and are hoping for a miracle. Wish us luck! Also: CONGRATULATIONS NATE AND YVONNE!!! Little Baby Stull (she’s yet to be named) was born at 8:20 this morning. Both parents are ecstatic and exhausted. Way to go, Yvonne!!!

Read MoreWill we finish?

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