Deep Thoughts

marathon training, day 3

Ran this afternoon, even though I really REALLY didn’t want to. It was over 100 degrees outside. I went my 3 mile route, and I think I ran nearly 2 miles of that. I had water but halfway through I had to quit drinking it because it was just sitting in my stomach making me feel nauseous and it was SO hot outside that I was afraid if I kept up that pace I might throw up or faint. So I mixed in some long walking stretches and kept crossing the street to walk wherever there was shade. I’ve got a LONG ways to go. It’s going to be fucking scalding outside for most of my training time before the marathon. I may have to figure out an alternative locale. I seriously thought about calling Yvonne and telling her that I wasn’t going to do it, because today it felt like there was NO WAY I will EVER be able to run 13 miles if I can’t even run 2 without feeling like I’m going to die. But I know that I’ve got nearly 8 months between now and the race. I’ll get better, and my debate with myself over quitting today is going to seem absolutely silly. On my return route, I walked past a woman sweeping her sidewalk. She appeared to be my age, maybe a little older. I smiled as I passed and said “Hi” to be friendly (which is totally against my nature… as an introvert, I am uncomfortable with strangers, but I had kind of a revelation that if I don’t start faking social norms I’m going to end up one of those cranky old people that nobody likes). Anyway, I said hello and she smiled really big and said “You are looking so GOOD, […]

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There is no spoon

Sometimes I’m not convinced reality is real. There’s been a couple of times, the past few years, when I saw what looked like .jpg artifacts in the real world. Once I saw a power line overhead angled slightly diagonally from my point of view. It appeared pixelated for a split second, then went back to looking normal. Sometimes something will appear that I swear wasn’t there before. Like something that I lost three years ago is suddenly sitting in the middle of the floor, and I have no idea where it came from. Or a fact that I’ve always known to be true is, in fact, not true. Or vice versa. It just kind of feels like I’ve been dropped into another reality that is almost exactly like my own… Almost. How do I know that i’m not living in the Matrix?

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Starbucks wisdom

Normally I don’t buy Starbucks coffee (overpriced monopoly, anyone?) but today they were giving it away for free so I took advantage and got a “Light Note” decaf 16 ounce cup. Printed on my cup was the following: It’s difficult for people to get rid of junk. They get attached to things and let them define who they are. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in this business, it’s that you are what you can’t let go of.— Brian Scudamore, Founder and CEO of 1-800-GOT-JUNK So what am I? I am: Boxes and boxes of notes to friends from high school Old books Clothes I’m certain I’ll fit into again, 10 pounds from now Canvasses with bad paintings Drawers full of souvenirs, birthday cards, movie tickets, theatre playbills, and other random stuff Disappointment in people Self doubt What are you?

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yesterday it was summer, today it’s 17 degrees

yesterday it was summer, today it’s 17 degrees i am not kidding. well, ok, it wasn’t summer yesterday, but it was last saturday. it was seriously over 90 degrees, according to the thermometer on my shaded porch. and today it was 17 degrees when i got up for work. dallas freaks out whenever there’s any kind of winter precipitation. yesterday we had the barest hint of freezing rain, and while it was true that there were thin glazes of ice on a lot of surfaces today, that wasn’t any reason for the whole city to shut down. but it did. all the school districts, and most of the universities… except, of course, for mine. which explains why i was awake, crabby, and outdoors at 7:30 a.m. i wasn’t about to drive when i didn’t know what the conditions were (and knowing how dallas people drive on ice, which is to say, the same way they drive every other day of the year, too fast and too close), so i left the house at 7:30 and walked 1/2 mile to the bus stop. pure misery. the wind was blowing hard enough to make my ears numb and tears run freely from my eyes. it felt like they were freezing on my cheeks. i’m glad i had some hot tea with me. my steamy peppermint savior. my clever plan to avoid having to drive today backfired when i got to work and realized that the university had made the call at 7:35 to delay opening until 10 a.m. i’d been checking my email and voice mail all the way up until the time i left the house, but missed it by 5 minutes. i was so mad! ben let me leave at 3:30 today to make up for the fact that i […]

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one thing at a time

one thing at a time. one thing at a time. baby steps. things seem so overwhelming sometimes. i think i’m on top of it all because i have 48 little piles of things on my desk or on my floor, and this somehow makes me organized. but nothing gets done. i keep shifting piles and not doing ANY of the tasks no matter how small, because it being in a pile of things to take somewhere or on a list of things to do makes me think that i’m staying ahead of the game. examples: send this form in. glue this picture frame back together. take these coupons downstairs and put them in the coupon bin. put this pile of things in my work satchel. take this stuff back to the bathroom. throw this pile away. get the songs off this cd. put this pile of stuff in a box for the attic. put the box in the attic. write checks to these charities. send these subscription cards in. but something being “on the list” does not make it “done.” i make lists and piles all the time but lack the motivation to actually tackle any of the tasks. it’s overwhelming. so… i constantly have to remind myself: baby steps. one thing at a time. don’t think about the rest. just pick one thing and do it, that’s all. just one. i can get a sense of accomplishment out of doing just one tiny thing. really. but i forget that sometimes (ok, all the time) in my quest to be as efficient as possible. it’s like i want to pick up all the piles of things and walk on a route throughout the house, distributing everything where it needs to go, making stops to take any necessary actions, and at […]

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great quotes

“I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.” — comedian Jon Stewart “A love that risks nothing is worth nothing.” — Unknown “Forgiveness is accepting that you can’t change the past.” — Unknown “The secret to happiness is to face the fact that the world is horrible.” — Bertrand Russell “The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” — Bertrand Russell “I shall stay the way I am because I do not give a damn.” — Dorothy Parker “If you want to see what God thinks of money, just look at all the people He gave it to.” — Dorothy Parker

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perspective

i hit red lights at all but two of the 18 stoplights between work and home this evening, and i realized that if that is the worst thing that happened to me today, it’s still been a pretty good day.

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