Running the anxiety away

I’ve started increasing my running goals. I looked at my distance and time over the past year (thank you, Apple Watch and fitness app!) and realized that it wouldn’t be that much of a stretch for me to make my new running baseline 5 kilometers, not including my warmup and cooldown walks. It would be a 25% increase in distance each time.

So, that’s what I’ve been doing for the past month or so. Every time I run, my baseline is 5 kilometers.

This has not come without repercussions, both good and bad. The good:

• It’s absolutely possible for me to run 5 kilometers without stopping, multiple times a week.
• It’s pretty easy actually — and this is probably largely due to the fact that I am no longer hauling around 80 extra pounds. Imagine going running while having 10 gallon jugs of milk strapped to your body — and then imagine how easy it would be once those were gone.
• I’m in the best shape of my life right now.
• I figured out that if I go running about 90 minutes after I wake up in the morning, after having had 2 cups of coffee and no food, I feel like I’m flying and I can run forever.
• Running really seems to help with my anxiety. It’s not like it gets rid of it, but running gets my head into a zone where I can really think about things I need to, and I somehow feel clearer. Or, conversely, I can put my earbuds in and listen to Nine Inch Nails for an hour, and right now that also helps, but in a different way (as I said in another post, something about the way Trent Reznor sings really punches me right in my squishy feelings. He has so much emotion in his voice. He makes me feel and hurt. And I guess I need that right now.).
• I am considering making myself a goal for 2026, to run a 10K.

But then, the bad:

• I’m 53 years old and I don’t know that my body truly wants me putting this much stress on myself.
• Several weeks ago my hip joint on my right side started twinging during a run, and by the time I was done it was an extremely acute pain. Luckily it’s improved and I don’t notice it much at all now.
• And then last Tuesday on my morning run, at the very end, my left calf felt like one of the muscles tore a little. I’ve been trying to run on it anyway — and was largely successful this morning — but I may really just need to fast-walk for a while instead. That feels like cheating, though.
• But I’m going to keep running until something breaks.

And on weekend mornings when the weather doesn’t completely suck, this is where I like to be both before and after my runs. Our patio, with some coffee, some piñon, and a notebook and pencil. I call it “church.”