Two things can be true at once

I am really struggling to balance my rage at what 47 and his fascist authoritarian regime is doing — new terrible lows every single day that make me wonder if rock-bottom actually exists  — with my determination to retain purpose, meaning, and joy in my life.

I’m also having a hard time handling these “two things can be true at once” situations such as “masked thugs are kidnapping non-white people and disappearing them on the president’s orders, but I still have to figure out what I’m making for dinner tonight and remember to buy cat food and set my alarm early for a doctors appointment tomorrow” without completely losing my shit. 

Losing my shit means the fascists win. So I can’t do that. And I recognize that my skin color means I’m way down on the target list, so at the moment there’s not much actual danger to me or my family. That white privilege allows me the time and mental energy to sometimes focus on things like joy and friendship and art and ice cream and tacos and old-fashioned cocktails. Many, many people do not have that luxury anymore. I do. So I need to fucking use it more effectively, even if every effort I make feels utterly inconsequential. 

That feeling is what the fascists want. They want people like me to just give up because it’s so tiring to keep up with what’s happening and it’s tiring to be angry all the time and it’s exhausting to feel like they are unstoppable so why am I bothering. 

Well, I have said it before and I’ll say it again: they can all go eat a big bag of dicks. They can fuck ALL the way off. This is not normal. I refuse to comply in advance. 

So how do I use my privilege with greater effect? I don’t know. Maybe:

  1. Joining a weekly anti-fascist protest in my neighborhood, which I just found out about today as we drove past them on our way to lunch
  2. Call my senators (Cruz and Cornyn, unfortunately) more often
  3. Maybe increase our political and social justice donations? Money’s not an area where we can give as freely as time though. 
  4. I haven’t personally run across any situations where I could speak up for someone who was being mistreated, but I will if I do. This involves me working through fear of misinterpreting situations and looking foolish by blowing something out of proportion. Standing up for my kid over the years has helped me with this