Here is something I’m working on… it’s not quite finished yet.

*****

Sometimes I try to imagine how the world might be different if everyone was more like me.

It’s probably a pretty common fantasy.

There wouldn’t be any more war, and a lot of the world’s lesser problems could be solved with vanilla ice cream.

But alas, it is not to be. And I’m just “off” enough that a whole host of heretounforeseen problems would assuredly crop up.

There is one thing about me, though, which I fully believe if enough people practiced, the would would be a better place.

I have this thing about taking personal responsibility for my actions and my reactions. Now, I have no illusions that I’m perfect, or that I’m the only one who practices this concept.

Here is the basic tenet, and it’s a pretty simple one: I am personally responsible for every single thing that I do, or say, or feel.

Pretty simple, right?

I am responsible for my own actions. I may have reasons that I do things, based on the actions or emotions of others, and I may not always think through them clearly depending on the situation, but my actions are ALWAYS my choice.

I am responsible for my own emotions. No one makes me feel angry or sad (or even happy) — those are MY reactions to the words or actions of others. They are MY reactions and I always have a choice. I own my actions and reactions.

It is my responsibility to learn as much as I can so that I can make more informed choices in deciding my course of action, or dealing with others’ actions or reactions.

Mom recently went through a grueling jury selection process for a high-profile drug and murder trial in Houston. She was not selected for the jury because she insisted that she does not buy excuses. There was a lot of talk about mitigating circumstances, things like “He killed the victim with his shotgun because he was high on drugs and so wasn’t really in control of himself. He didn’t intend to kill the man, so the law should go easier on him than if it was premeditated murder.” Mom said no way — it was HIS CHOICE to take drugs; it was HIS RESPONSIBILITY to evaluate what might happen if he did; and the consequences of his actions are HIS to pay.

Mom and the law didn’t see eye to eye, so they told her to go home. (Her treatment by the lawyers and judges is an entirely different matter that may be appearing in a future issue of Newsweek, if I can just get her to write her story.)

When you embrace this concept of owning your actions and reactions, it’s a lot easier to deal with tragedy — or any sort of negative event — in a healthy way. Say that something really awful happens to you — you are fired from your job, or raped, or someone you love dies, or terrorists blow up a building in your country and thousands of people die. Do you have a time machine? Can you go back and change things?

No. You can’t.

So what do you do?

Do you sit around and focus on the past, dwell on those events, replay them over and over in your head, wonder endlessly what you could have done differently?

Sure, of course. You do that for a while. It’s completely natural.

But then you must realize that you cannot change what happened. All you can do now is deal with it and move on. “Okay, well, that’s the way things are and I can’t change it. So what am I going to do now?”

Put more harshly, GET OVER IT. You can learn from the past, but you can only shape the future by moving on. Learn from the past; learn all you can. But sitting around endlessly pointing fingers and assigning blame will get you nowhere.

Does that sound cold and calculating and robotic-machinelike? Are you thinking, come ON, we’re HUMAN BEINGS, we have feelings that we can’t always control as well as you purport that you’re able to!

Well, yes, we are human beings with seething cauldrons of id lying around inside of us. And obviously I’m not talking about people with genuine chemical imbalances and mental difficulties. They have a whole different set of issues to deal with. And like I said, I’m far from perfect.

But look at this as a goal to strive towards. An ideal. A way of achieving enlightenment and inner peace. If you know me, you may not think that I’ve had a lot of tragedy to deal with in my life. But things aren’t always as they seem. And maybe what you’re seeing — the ME that you’re seeing — is.. simply… the way I deal with it.

Posted by Katy, 10:40 p.m.