horrible evening

i did the most horrible thing last sunday night. driving home from dinner, i hit a cat with the car. it was dark outside, and i did not see him until the very last second, and it was too late. i freaked out and pulled over. doc got out and i drove the car around the block to park it off the main road, and then ran back to where he was. doc couldn’t find the kitty, which made me feel even worse because it means that he didn’t die right away… he probably went off somewhere to hide, and died slowly and in awful pain. all because of me. and what if he was somebody’s pet? that person is probably still combing the neighborhood, heartbroken that their kitty disappeared. i didn’t even see what he looked like; i think he was dark in color. i just saw his tail and back legs disappearing beneath the front wheels, and heard the awful thud. there’s no way he could have survived it. all because of me.

i cannot begin to describe how horrible i feel.