A little broken.

Tonight it got to me a little.

I was doing okay today, mostly, until just now. I went to work, talked to Doc a couple times about the headache stuff (and he’s having a really bad day, which is emotionally stressful for us both), we went to see our new financial guy who is going to make it so we don’t have to expend frustrated brain power on our investment strategies, and then I promised Doc I’d cook spaghetti tonight when we got home.

After fighting traffic across town at 5, we talked on the phone to Dr. Aronoff’s nurse, who told us that the options were to take a different painkiller or, if it was worrying Doc, to go to the ER. Can someone please tell me exactly how WE are supposed to know if we should be worried? Isn’t that what the doctor is supposed to use his years of medical training to determine?! I think an eleven day long headache is pretty fucking worrisome, but for a doctor to tell us to go to the ER to get a brain scan if WE think it’s something to worry about… I just don’t understand that reasoning.

Anyway, that was extremely frustrating, and then I had a conference call with Arushi and the book author about the book cover designs (which went well, by the way), and after spending another hour searching fruitlessly for the perfect stock photography image that the client wants for the book cover, I realized that I was just Completely. Out. Of. Energy.

And when I told Doc that I didn’t think I could follow through on my promise to make spaghetti for dinner, I broke down and started crying.

And then Arushi read my previous blog post and called to check on me, and I couldn’t keep it together. She was so sweet and understanding, but I hate crying on the phone. I feel a little better now, but we still haven’t eaten and that is all my fault.

I’m the kind of person who feels like she’s supposed to be on top of everything at all times, and I don’t know how to deal with not being able to do that. How do you let things go?