fat and lazy

It’s not that I’ve completely quit trying… but maybe I kind of have.

My marathon training has fallen back to April/May levels, if that. Part of it is that I was trying to give my stress-fractured leg a rest for a while, to see if it would maybe magically heal itself over a 4 week period. Part of it is that it really hurt to run. Part of it is that Yvonne, for her own reasons, probably won’t be running the whole thing either.

I have realized over the past couple of days that I’ve actually been forgetting about my training. Like, it doesn’t even occur to me anymore to exercise. I had gotten into the habit of almost daily doing a run after work, or in the morning on the weekends, more-or-less happily striving towards my goal. And now it’s not even entering my mental “to-do” list. I hate the feeling of realizing that I’ve forgotten something like that. It’s the same sick feeling I get when I think about one of my worst fears: forgetting to take care of something I’m responsible for, and having it die or other horrible consequences. Plants, animals, children, mortgage, etc. I think I have dreams like that a lot, where I realize that I’m supposed to have been doing something all along.

I also feel like my eating habits have been … what is the opposite of “improving”? Yeah, that.

I want to get back into a routine now, though. Leg pain or no leg pain, I have to do something. The weather is cooperating and has cooled down nicely (58 right now, I have the windows open and thick socks on), which will make outdoor runs much less painful.

Something occurred to me the other day, though, as I was trying to remember exactly when I first started noticing the pain in my leg. I remembered that when I went to Lubbock to see Bob graduate in August, one of his friends gave us a ride back to the motel or out somewhere in his giant pickup truck, and after I hopped out, I reached back in to grab my purse off of the seat, and I smacked my left shin hard into the running board on the truck. It hurt really bad and left a big bruise.

I didn’t think much of it at the time because I bruise easily and rarely remember how I got them in the first place. But I wonder if maybe hitting the bone against the edge of the running board cracked it. (The bone, not the running board). It was about the right place.