Come on boys, shave them kiwis!

Looking for an easy way to obtain an extra optical inch on your [CARROT]? “The Phillips Bodygroom provides a safe and easy way to trim those scruffy underarms, or those untidy curls on and around your [CARROT], as well as those hard to reach locks on the underside of your [KIWIS] and [PEACH].”

Come on. You’ve always wanted to get rid of that chinchilla wrapped around your schlong.

Be sure to watch the music video! [Think Sting in the video for “Wrapped Around Your Finger,” only much less sexy. I don’t mean to insult you, smooth and hairless Norelco guy, but you just need to realize that there is only one man sexier than Sting, and I’m married to him!]

And don’t forget to create testicular topiaries in the test drive section.