Routines are okay

Recently, I realized something very important: It is possible, and completely okay, for me to need and enjoy routine, stability, comfort, sameness, while at the same time loving learning new things, opening my mind and eyes, and changing when I need to.

Humans crave routines, and routines are extremely beneficial to us because developing them allows us to reserve energy to put towards other tasks.

But I’ve been worried that if I find comfort in routines, there’s also a possibility I could become set in my ways, stuck, not open to change, closed-minded. I very much do not want to become one of those older people that pines for the Good Old Days, becomes more conservative, rejects people that are different, refuses to even consider new ideas (like going rock climbing!), and has no interest in change.

I truly don’t believe that I am like that, or becoming like that, but I don’t want to fool myself. Awareness of that possible path is what allows me to evaluate myself with a reasonably objective eye. I constantly evaluate my own opinions and attempt to adapt to change when I need to. I do this all the time. And my conclusion is, thankfully, that I am definitely not becoming more conservative, or selfish, or tribal/nationalistic/group-oriented the older I get.

(Related: I am very conscious of the possibility of going too far in a left-leaning direction. The political spectrum is a circle, not a straight line. When you get way out there to either the left or the right, you’re really pretty close to meeting up with each other at the bottom of the circle. Fringe is fringe, and burning everything to the ground hurts everyone in the end.)

Anyway, back to routines. I do have some, and I do enjoy them. I get coffee at the same place every weekday morning. I take some of my meds in the morning, and some right before bed. On Saturdays, I am usually the first person awake in the house and I sit in my reading chair (or outside if the weather is good) in my jammies with coffee and a mini yellow legal pad and pencil, making a to do list for the weekend, doing the meal plan, and/or reading a book.

Doing these things the same way every time brings me comfort. Breaks in these routines — like when we are on vacation, for example — can be a little stressful for me (how will I remember to take my meds if I’m not at home doing the same things I do every day?! What about my quiet coffee time?!), but I can be adaptable. And I try to practice being adaptable with mindfulness techniques. One of those things that has been incredibly helpful to me is something my friend Valerie told me several years ago during the height of COVID: “Things are different, for now, and that is okay.”

Other ways I find calm when my routines are interrupted:

• I can embrace adventure, and it will probably be fun, and everything will be okay.
• If I don’t do this scary/different thing, there’s no risk, but if I don’t do it, there is also no reward.
• It is okay. Change is okay. Change is inevitable. Change will happen whether I adapt or not. I am a hollow reed, bending in the wind.
• I can close my eyes and fall backwards off this climbing wall, because I’m attached to a rope and I’m 83% sure that the random teenager belaying me won’t drop me. 83% is worth taking the risk.

So I will continue to enjoy my Saturday morning pajama-coffee-list time, and I will breathe deeply and embrace the Saturdays when I am out of coffee and make tea instead, or am too busy to laze around in my pajamas for an hour, or I’m not at home and need to do something different.

And I will go ahead and throw myself off that climbing wall.