November 2007

Parkway to the Naughty Territories

“The 10 Most Terrifyingly Inspirational ’80s Songs” is, without a doubt, one of the most hilarious things I’ve read in a long time!! Robert Brockway describes Kenny Loggins’ “Highway To The Danger Zone:” “Danger Zone” is comprised of entirely guitar riffs and vague references to machines and speed. He did not settle for a lesser concept. He put you on a highway: the fastest, straightest route possible directly to an entire zone that is nothing but danger. There was no “Parkway to the Naughty Territories,” or “Off Ramp to Risky Town,” or even “Scenic Route Through Fistfight County.” And, of Foreigner’s “Jukebox Hero”… If hearing “just one guitar” while standing outside a venue in the pouring rain can cause an innocent farm boy to mutate into a vulgar, screeching, musical demi-god, imagine hearing 17 guitars on top of a mountain in a thunderstorm! You could instantaneously transform altar boys all across the heartland into 80-foot tall rock ogres, shredding on nuclear guitars and ejaculating fiery magma into the horrified faces of America’s enemies. Serve your country, Foreigner. Give a little back for once. You may be in imminent danger of Bon Jovi poisoning: One minute he’s lamenting “Sometimes you tell the day/By the bottle that you drink/And times when you’re all alone all you do is think.” Then almost immediately extolling that he’s rocked all those aforementioned faces. Incidentally, if you have had your face rocked at any point by Bon Jovi, please seek prompt medical attention. Read more here! It’s long but completely worth it, AND it includes links to music videos!

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80 year old knees

I’m in some serious knee pain today! Last night I went with Kathryn to her “boot camp” after work. You’ve heard of nonmilitary exercise boot-camp-style classes for regular people who just want a motivating workout? That’s what this was. It’s not the kind of boot camp where the instructors scream “get moving, maggot!” to motivate you (although I think those do exist)… the instructor was very motivating but she achieved it by hollering “Nice job! You can do it! Just 15 more seconds! Come on! Keep moving! Way to go!” They offer a free class to newcomers, so I thought I’d go and see what it was all about, and why Kathryn gets up at 4 a.m. to be at the morning class by 5:30 a.m. three times a week. We moved constantly for about an hour, in “stations” drills (zigzag running between cones, tricep dips on a bench,  hurdles, running a ball back and forth, running through tires on the ground, squats with a medicine ball, and crunches), and then alternating between lifting weights, running “suicides,” more crunches, running around a coned-off box in various ways (knees up, heels up, run sideways, skip, run backwards), and doing plank pose on our mats. I was sweating like crazy, panting, and occasionally saw little black spots in my vision.  I thought I was in better shape than I apparently am! Today I’m mildly sore all over, but my knees really don’t work right. If I sit still for more than 10 minutes or so they stiffen up and are so sore I’m afraid they’ll buckle underneath my weight. I guess it was all the squats and “suicides” (running back and forth between cones and touching the ground at either end).  I’m walking like I’m 80 years old today. The one thing […]

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