July 2007

The Berry Wars

I worked in a retail store at the end of a strip shopping center, similar to a small Wal-Mart or membership club store. It was large and dim with a lot of tall dusty shelves of merchandise that nobody wanted. At the other end of this strip shopping center was a rival retail store. Amidst a lot of rain, noise, and smoke outdoors, we were hurriedly preparing for war with the other store. Our strategy was to gather as many berries as we possibly could — blueberries, blackberries, raspberries, strawberries — and place them into small bowls with which we would later arm the catapults. However, as I was artfully arranging berries in a bowl near the front of the store, the automatic doors opened in a swirl of smoke and a black-clad figure from the other store tossed in a live grenade that landed next to me. And that’s when I realized, oh, it’s THAT kind of war. Later, in the middle of everyone running around throwing berries and grenades at each other in the parking lot, I was sent out to the Jack-in-the-Box on the other side of the highway to pick up drinks and milkshakes for everyone. I got there and someone handed me an ice cream cone while I waited in line. And when I got to the front I realized I didn’t have any money.

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I’m feeling a bit better

Everyone has been so nice to me for the past few days (not that you aren’t usually 🙂 I really appreciate it. I realize that this is going to sound completely cheeseball, but it means so much to me that you guys have been so concerned about Doc (and me) and have been so quick to help us out in so many ways. I know that’s what friends do: we get each other through the tough times, providing an ear, a shoulder and a kleenex when we can’t figure out how to cope with the shit that life has thrown at us. And sometimes, when we haven’t seen each other in way too long, we pick up like it was only yesterday. I just hope that I can return the favor someday. I’ve felt rather wiped out, mentally and physically… I guess it was a cumulative effect, culminating on Wednesday with the emergency room visit and all. I’m definitely feeling better now than I was last week. Stopping my Project 365 was a surprisingly huge relief, and once I beat it into my own thick head that it was OK to just go out to eat if I don’t feel like cooking, I suddenly felt like cooking again. Go figure. My boss let me take the day off on Thursday, Kathryn came over that evening to hang out, and Brett showed up with a cubic meter of Italian food. I saw Debbie and Rachel, neither of whom I’ve seen in ages, on Saturday at Ginger’s wedding shower, then on Saturday night Brittney, Yvonne and Nate came over for margaritas and dinner. I had a great time playing with Zoe, and she smiled and laughed a lot (Yvonne said it was real smiling, not just gas 🙂 Enough about me. Doc […]

Read MoreI’m feeling a bit better

Thanks guys. :)

I just wanted to take a minute to thank all of our wonderful friends — especially Kathryn, Arushi, Britt, Bob, Joel, everyone who has left comments here, listened to us bitch, let me cry on the phone, drove me places. Knowing you care is a huge comfort. I don’t take y’all for granted, even if I’m not always that good at expressing myself. I love you guys.

Read MoreThanks guys. :)

My amazing husband.

You know what my dear sweet wonderful husband told me today? Even in the midst of one of his worst days of pain, the day we ended up in the emergency room, his plan for today was to go out and buy me flowers to thank me for being there for him. How amazingly sweet is that? He’s truly one of a kind. I am the luckiest person in the world.

Read MoreMy amazing husband.

Things I’m letting go.

Been thinking a lot about what to let go, to cut down on my stress. I need to be as healthy as I can to support Doc while he’s having a rough go of it, and to make it through all the extra work I have committed to. So I’ve decided to put one thing on hiatus, and stopping worrying so much about a second thing. As of 2 days ago, Project 365 is on officially on summer vacation. Hopefully only for a few weeks, but eliminating the stress of “oh fuck, it’s almost time to go to bed and I still haven’t taken a photo” is going to make a difference. It’s not like I’m doing it for anyone except myself, anyway, and I need to learn how not to feel guilty about failing to achieve personal goals, so this is a good start. And the thing I’m going to quit worrying about is cooking vs. eating out. The stupid spaghetti incident from last night made me realize that not wanting to cook, and getting takeout instead, is not the end of the world. I routinely worry about what to pack for my breakfast and lunch for work, and about cooking when I get home at night, WAY more than most people probably think I do. Planning all that is so prevalent in my mind that it’s probably adding more to my stress levels than I ever realized. So if I’m tired, I’m going to go out and just not worry about it. For a while. Until my August and September freelance hell months are over. Until Doc starts feeling better.

Read MoreThings I’m letting go.

Back from the E.R.

Too exhausted to write much, but the CAT scan came back clear. No tumors. Hydrocodone definitely dulls his pain but he’s totally stoned at the same time, so it’s not much of a solution. Good news is, going to the ER got him some sort of emergency referral to Dr. Black, the headache neurologist who’s “booked up” until 2008. Going to call him tomorrow and see when he can see Doc. Had good experiences at the hospital. Doc felt like this time (his 4th time in the ER for headaches, the other 3 were before I met him) people were taking him seriously and not just saying “you have a headache, take some tylenol” and sending him home. Doctors seemed concerned, wanted CAT scan done. Several different people asked him who his neurologist was and seemed surprised that he didn’t have one, so rather than a “do you want to see a neurologist about your problem?” attitude, it was more like “um, sir, someone in your condition NEEDS to be seeing a neurologist.” That was definitely a positive experience for him. The nurse who gave Doc the pain shot and who checked us out at the end was so nice and so concerned about him, she seemed very sincere and caring. I didn’t get her name. When we initially got to the hospital and had to park a few blocks from the ER in the only parking we could find, a hospital worker pulled alongside us in his truck and offered us a ride up to the ER, which we took. VERY good hospital experiences this time. Of course, we haven’t yet gotten the bill.

Read MoreBack from the E.R.

A little broken.

Tonight it got to me a little. I was doing okay today, mostly, until just now. I went to work, talked to Doc a couple times about the headache stuff (and he’s having a really bad day, which is emotionally stressful for us both), we went to see our new financial guy who is going to make it so we don’t have to expend frustrated brain power on our investment strategies, and then I promised Doc I’d cook spaghetti tonight when we got home. After fighting traffic across town at 5, we talked on the phone to Dr. Aronoff’s nurse, who told us that the options were to take a different painkiller or, if it was worrying Doc, to go to the ER. Can someone please tell me exactly how WE are supposed to know if we should be worried? Isn’t that what the doctor is supposed to use his years of medical training to determine?! I think an eleven day long headache is pretty fucking worrisome, but for a doctor to tell us to go to the ER to get a brain scan if WE think it’s something to worry about… I just don’t understand that reasoning. Anyway, that was extremely frustrating, and then I had a conference call with Arushi and the book author about the book cover designs (which went well, by the way), and after spending another hour searching fruitlessly for the perfect stock photography image that the client wants for the book cover, I realized that I was just Completely. Out. Of. Energy. And when I told Doc that I didn’t think I could follow through on my promise to make spaghetti for dinner, I broke down and started crying. And then Arushi read my previous blog post and called to check on me, and […]

Read MoreA little broken.

Reached the breaking point.

I’m extremely worried about Doc. He’s had a rather intense headache (not sure if it’s cluster, he says it’s on the wrong side and feels more like a migraine with light sensitivity and all that) for eleven days straight with no break. For the past couple of days it was slowly getting less intense, but as of yesterday it’s getting worse again. Last night he came to bed at 3:30 a.m. and, as he said, barely felt human. He was whimpering in pain, he couldn’t go completely to sleep yet he couldn’t stay completely awake. I could barely understand his speech. I’m worried that something has happened, physically, in his brain. I don’t know what exactly, but I think someone needs to take some scans or something to see if they can figure out what’s going on. In addition to the 24-hours-a-day pain, he’s been experiencing double vision and light sensitivity. The thought that something might be growing/breaking/bursting in there is freaking me right the fuck out. His doctor was out of town last week and his office called in a prescription for him, which of course did almost nothing, and certainly didn’t treat the CAUSE of the headaches, whatever it may be. It was basically just Tylenol with barbituates, so it dulled the pain a little but made him feel “stupid” and zombie like. His sleep doctor recommended he call a local neurologist, who turned out to be Stuart Black, a world renowned headache specialist. Of course, Dr. Black doesn’t have any appointments until August 2008 (yes, that is a year from now) and the other doctor in his practice is booked up for the next 3 weeks. What is a person who is in acute chronic pain like this supposed to do in the meantime? What if something […]

Read MoreReached the breaking point.