July 2005

demotivators

have i mentioned before how much i love the “de-motivational” posters available at despair.com? Some of my favorites: Meetings: None of us is as dumb as all of us. Motivation: If a pretty poster and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job. The kind robots will be doing soon. Cluelessness: There are no stupid questions, but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots. Consulting: If you’re not a part of the solution, there’s good money to be made in prolonging the problem. Idiocy: Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Flattery: If you want to get to the top, prepare to kiss a lot of the bottom. Discovery: A company that will go to the ends of the earth for its people will find that it can hire them for about 10% the cost of Americans. Humiliation: The harder you try, the dumber you look. Delusions: There is no greater joy than soaring high on the wings of your dreams, except maybe the joy of watching a dreamer who has nowhere to land but in the ocean of reality. Power: Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. But it rocks absolutely, too. Potential: Not everyone gets to be an astronaut when they grow up. Indifference: It takes 42 muscles to frown and just 17 to smile, but it doesn’t take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face. Planning: Much work remains to be done before we can announce our total failure to make any progress. Loneliness: If you find yourself struggling with loneliness, you’re not alone. And yet you are alone. So very alone. Get to Work: You aren’t being paid to believe in the power of your dreams.

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logan’s island

looks like they remade logan’s run, except this time logan is called “lincoln six echo” and carousel is referred to as “the island.” clones on the run! “the island” is quite pretty (thanks to ewan and scarlett, and oh, that beautiful cinematography too) and flashy (hello, epileptic seizures, anyone?), and it’s been, as doc said when referring to the new battlestar galactica series, “surgically de-cheesed” from the original. i do realize there’s only so many movie plots in the world and thing get recycled with new skins and new details all the time, but this was remarkably transparent as a remake. logan: logan 5 and jessica 6. island: lincoln 6 echo and jordan 2 delta. logan: horrible catastrophe/contamination in the real world forces remainder of humanity to live in a contained society underground. island: horrible made-up catastrophe/contamination in the real world forces remainder of humanity to live in a contained society underground. logan: smart sandman comes to realize that there is life beyond the society he lives in, and takes a beautiful girl on the run with him to reach the outside world, which he finds has been safe for a very long time. island: smart clone comes to realize that there is life beyond the society he lives in, and takes a beautiful girl on the run with him to reach the outside world, which he finds actually exists and was never contaminated. logan: all members of society must go through carousel ritual when they turn 30. they believe it is a wonderful experience of rebirth and renewal, but in reality they die. island: some members of society go through lottery ritual. they believe they are going to the utopian paradise of the island, but in reality they die. logan: logan returns to destroy the master computer system that […]

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stump google!

ok kids, time to play a fun new game! it’s called “STUMP GOOGLE”. simply enter three common words into google.com. your goal is to come up with a “no results found” page. the rules are simple: no proper nouns no made-up words spell everything correctly (it’s easy to stump google with a misspelled word) here’s my one winner so far: unbeliever plant-based simian what are your winning entries?

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screw you, target!

never in my life did i think that i would be turned down for a credit card. i could fill a dumpster with the number of credit card offers i get in the mail each week, and the one time i actually try to apply for a card, they say no? today i tried to get myself a target visa card, to separate my personal purchases from the purchases doc and i make jointly. i was turned down, and offered instead a target store charge card, which i have no use for. i pulled my credit reports; they’re spotless. i have only my mortgage and one credit card on them. my debt consists almost entirely of my mortgage, and the debt that i do carry on my credit card is extremely low. up until recently, i’ve paid my entire balance every month without fail. i have no negative credit history whatsoever. i can’t figure this out, for the life of me. my only theory is that perhaps i’m TOO GOOD… in otherwords. because of my history of faithful payments and paying off my balances, they wouldn’t make any money off of me in finance charges or late fees. what do you think? any other theories?

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