random horrible thoughts

I wonder if I’m the only person who ever gets random horrible thoughts, like a split-second vivid hallucination about losing control of my faculties and doing something really really awful, hurting someone or something. OK, I doubt I’m the only person that happens to, but it scares the shit out of me. Am I going crazy? Am I just stressed out? Can stress cause scary hallucinations like this?

It’s not as if I would ever actually do the thing that I had the vision about; in fact, it’s so far away from anything I’d ever do that it’s ridiculous when I think about it logically and rationally. But still, it’s like, WHY would I possibly have that thought?

This thought was related to something that was occurring at that moment. It’s like my mind took this everyday ho-hum completely normal situation and just ran with it down the worst possible path.

I can’t even bear to write down what exactly it was that I thought. I don’t even want to think about it, it makes me queasy and I start to shake. Suffice it to say, for anyone who knows me, there are really only a couple of things that give me that reaction.

In other, less-mentally-unstable news, I seem to have a really huge appetite lately. This sucks, because I had developed a good habit of eating smaller portions. Damn. Maybe writing down that I’m annoyed at myself will spur me to try harder again. I lost 15 pounds last year, and I hope to do the same again this year. Then, my life will be perfect (ha ha).

I keep spelling “anyone” as “anywon.” What’s up with that?